Here to help somebody else?
If you’re here because you’re worried about a mate or a family member, thanks. It really can make a difference. Read on for some solid advice to help you work out what to do next.
Don't put yourself at risk.
If you’re stepping in to help, make sure you’re safe too. Meet somewhere public if you’re unsure how a chat will go. You don’t always have to be the one to deliver the message—there might be someone else they’ll respond to. Ask what they need from you and have a think about what moving forward could look like. And if anything feels off or you’re worried for your safety, call the police.
What if they say they don't need help?
Sometimes people don’t want help, even when they need it. That’s hard, but it’s better to try than to wish you had. If they don’t want to hear it from you, think about who else they might listen to. Keep showing up, be kind, and don’t judge.
Signs someone might need a hand
Sometimes it’s just a gut feeling. Maybe you’ve noticed changes in them or their partner, or seen something that didn’t sit right. If something feels off, trust that instinct — you’re likely not the only one picking up on it. It often takes someone stepping up before anything changes.
Keep an eye out for this
It's easy to make excuses, especially if it’s your mate or someone in the whānau. You might catch yourself thinking:
“They’re fine when they’re not on the beers.”
“I don’t want to cause drama or lose a good mate.”
“It’s not really my business, it’ll blow over.”
“They’re both as bad as each other.”
If those thoughts are popping up, there’s a good chance something’s not right. You don't have to fix it all — but showing up, checking in, and letting them know you care could be the start of real change.
How to be a helpful supporter
Being straight up is important — tell them what you're worried about, but you don't have to dive straight into the heavy stuff. Starting with something more chill can open the door to deeper conversation.
They might not want to talk straight away, and sometimes just offering support is better than giving advice. If they start do start thinking about making changes, encourage them — they'll be relieved you're with them, not judging them.